random thoughts...

dang it. i am learning everyday. i don't think i'll ever really get this whole life thing or how to do it right. but, recently God's GRACE blows me away because i realize that as much as i try, i cannot do this on my own. i try to grasp for control, and realize that i can't. random thoughts...

i really need to go to the dominican republic. sometimes i think its a form of escapism from normal life, but at the same time, i don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. people handle life/frustrations/deep thinking/ in different ways. for me, i need to experience a new culture. it has been so therapeutic in the past. taking a break from life, stepping out of the current situation and re-evaluating life from a distance. there is something glorious about that. God has used the time in England, Romania, Mexico, Israel, etc. to do this very thing and reveal new things to me. i can't wait.



i have no idea what God is doing with me. i am realizing he has given me passions for various things...spanish, kids, traveling, love, adoption, the outdoors, teaching, and people. but, God, now what?

i love my job.

i am more blessed than i ever realize. i am always so busy thinking of things to be discontent about. Jesus, overwhelm me with contentment because you are so good. and you give good gifts.



i really want to just enjoy life, celebrate every moment, and embrace joy, but i think too much! God, you are in control of my mind. help me LIVE FULLY!



i miss my sister. terribly. and my closest friends. i wish i was at camp with them.

i went a really beautiful, laid-back wedding on the beach yesterday.



captivating by stasi eldredge is a powerful book. it has helped me work through various thoughts and questions..."we can't put words to it, but down deep we fear there is something terribly wrong with us. if we were the princess, then our prince would have come. if we were the daughter of the king, he would have fought for us."

surrender is daily. one day i feel like i'm kinda getting the idea, and the next day, i am discouraged and feel like i am starting all over again. why is life like this?

why exactly does God give us desires when they will not be fulfilled yet?

and this is what i long my life to be like: "God wants us to bring to bear the weight of our lives and all that he has given to us, worked into us, and offer it to our world. to entice, allure, and invite others to Jesus by reflecting his glory in our lives."

i want to live the best i can, love people as much as i can, and be like Jesus. but, i fall short. and sometimes i don't exactly know what that would look like in my everyday life.

i am a sinful person, but i am LOVED by an incredibly gracious and loving and personal and intimate God. i want that to blow me away every day.