random thoughts...

dang it. i am learning everyday. i don't think i'll ever really get this whole life thing or how to do it right. but, recently God's GRACE blows me away because i realize that as much as i try, i cannot do this on my own. i try to grasp for control, and realize that i can't. random thoughts...

i really need to go to the dominican republic. sometimes i think its a form of escapism from normal life, but at the same time, i don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. people handle life/frustrations/deep thinking/ in different ways. for me, i need to experience a new culture. it has been so therapeutic in the past. taking a break from life, stepping out of the current situation and re-evaluating life from a distance. there is something glorious about that. God has used the time in England, Romania, Mexico, Israel, etc. to do this very thing and reveal new things to me. i can't wait.



i have no idea what God is doing with me. i am realizing he has given me passions for various things...spanish, kids, traveling, love, adoption, the outdoors, teaching, and people. but, God, now what?

i love my job.

i am more blessed than i ever realize. i am always so busy thinking of things to be discontent about. Jesus, overwhelm me with contentment because you are so good. and you give good gifts.



i really want to just enjoy life, celebrate every moment, and embrace joy, but i think too much! God, you are in control of my mind. help me LIVE FULLY!



i miss my sister. terribly. and my closest friends. i wish i was at camp with them.

i went a really beautiful, laid-back wedding on the beach yesterday.



captivating by stasi eldredge is a powerful book. it has helped me work through various thoughts and questions..."we can't put words to it, but down deep we fear there is something terribly wrong with us. if we were the princess, then our prince would have come. if we were the daughter of the king, he would have fought for us."

surrender is daily. one day i feel like i'm kinda getting the idea, and the next day, i am discouraged and feel like i am starting all over again. why is life like this?

why exactly does God give us desires when they will not be fulfilled yet?

and this is what i long my life to be like: "God wants us to bring to bear the weight of our lives and all that he has given to us, worked into us, and offer it to our world. to entice, allure, and invite others to Jesus by reflecting his glory in our lives."

i want to live the best i can, love people as much as i can, and be like Jesus. but, i fall short. and sometimes i don't exactly know what that would look like in my everyday life.

i am a sinful person, but i am LOVED by an incredibly gracious and loving and personal and intimate God. i want that to blow me away every day.

cold tangerines.

about a year ago, i ventured to barnes and noble for one of those "i need some relaxation and inspiration" days. i grabbed some books off the shelves and made my way to a comfortable, over-stuffed chair near the cafe. i started reading shauna niequist's cold tangerines and by the third page, i had tears welling up in my eyes. shauna seemed to be verbalizing my thoughts into words on the page in front of me!

"i have always, essentially, been waiting. waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person i always thought i was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life i thought i would have. in my head, i was always one step away...i don't want to wait anymore. i choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. i choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold."

throughout the past year, this book has encouraged me as i embarked on various adventures and experienced new events. after my time in mexico, my heart was churning inside me, struggling as i arrived back in the united states, yet wishing i was still in a small mayan hut in the yucatan. i could not find a way to express all my thoughts and instead, i was left feeling overwhelmed and alone. as i flew from mexico to detroit, i came across these words after shauna's time in africa...

i had to clear away space in my mind and my heart, spaces previously occupied by easy things -- groceries to buy, albums to download, people to call -- and replace them with the weight of africa [mexico], a heavy, dark thing to carry with me, something under which to labor, something under which to tremble."

so, if you happen to be reading this blog, this is my recommendation to you. pick up this book and start reading. i'm guessing you will be encouraged, challenged, inspired, and relaxed.

enjoy.